Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
