i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
