my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my being single is dangerous.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
BRING THE BAGELS
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
