there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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