looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
