No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
