I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
