I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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