You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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