i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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