I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
