I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
that is very illegal...i love you.
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