you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize