dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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