o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
