Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
