how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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