If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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