someone get that fucking seahorse.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
