Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
