If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
