I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize