I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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