My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
