So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize