You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
