I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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