Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
