since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
