We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
