First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
