There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
