That's intense
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
