She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish you could order shots online.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
