One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
