i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
