wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
