omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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