I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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