I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
