Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
