Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
