I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
