you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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