3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
barbara walters just said penis...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I looked at my own cervix.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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