Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
even my farts smell like vagina
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
