You smell like a Billy Joel song
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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