Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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