GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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