some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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