Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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