How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
