At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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