the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
