look no pants
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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