sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
