I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
