it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize