The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
