The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
