i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
