You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize