tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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