There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
