she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
