Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
